


Beautiful

by Between_A_Dream



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Anorexia, F/F, Self Image, Starvation, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 16:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6964123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Between_A_Dream/pseuds/Between_A_Dream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tara has been hiding something, and it's becoming more physically evident to her friends. Willow is determined to get to the bottom of what's happening to her girl, but will she be too late? Set in season 6, the break up never happened and neither did the shooting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So this idea came to my head when I was just watching Buffy randomly and I decided to write it. I hope you guys enjoy!

There was something extremely wrong. Tara wasn't right. Well, she was, at least in the sense that her personality was. She still laughed the same way, still smiled with honest and loving joy, and her eyes still held the light that Willow loved so dearly. But her physical form? That wasn't right. That was completely wrong.

Willow hadn't notified it at first. It had taken her awhile. But recently, the changes in Tara's body had become more evident. The blonde Wiccan's clothes clung to her body as if they were nearly ready to fall off. When they got dressed in the morning, Willow could see her ribs poking through her skin. For lack of a better word, Tara was getting thinner. But it wasn't at a healthy rate. At least, it didn't appear to be.

It had only been noticeable to the red haired witch over the past few weeks. She wondered if Tara had been working out. Then she remembered the girl telling her that she hated exercise and crossed that thought out of her mind. There wasn't a logical explanation Willow could think of. But, maybe she didn't need one? Maybe she had done a spell? No. That was even more ridiculous of a theory. Tara would never use magic like that. She was always stronger with her use of her powers in that sense.

It was only when Tara was at the store that Willow dared to ask anyone else about it. When she walked downstairs Dawn was sitting on the couch with Buffy on the other side and Xander sitting beside Anya on the love seat. "Hey guys," she smiled a bit as she entered into the living room. "Hey Will, Tara isn't back yet," Xander informed her. "Yeah I know. Speaking of Tara... Has anyone noticed anything... I don't know... Different about her?" the red head asked, sitting down in the empty chair. "What do you mean different?" Buffy asked, leaning forward and turning the TV off.

"Well it's just that she's... Well... She's thinner. Too thin. She looks unhealthy. I don't know if it's just me-" before Willow could finish she was interrupted. "I've noticed it too Will, it's not just you. She makes breakfast still I just never see her eat it anymore," Dawn confirmed, as did the others with slow nods. "I... I don't wanna think she's doing that to herself and ask if she isn't... But if she is-" again Willow was interrupted, this time by the sound of the door opening. "Hey, I'm back," Tara announced cheerfully as she entered the house carrying bags on her arms. "Be there in a second to help," Willow smiled at her girlfriend as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, why don't we all go out to dinner tonight, have a little R&R. Maybe we just haven't seen her eat lately. She has to eat something if we are all out, otherwise we would know something was wrong," Xander suggested. Nodding, Willow stood and made her way out to the kitchen where Tara stood putting away a box of cereal. "Hey, everything good at the store?" the red head asked, wrapping her arms around Tara from behind while pulling her girlfriend's shirt down slightly to expose her bare shoulder and pressing a gentle kiss to the soft skin.

"Yep, everything's good. There was this one store clerk who was kinda mean, but it's all good," the blonde Wiccan smiled, leaning back into Willow's embrace, sighing happily. "Need me to turn him into a toad?" Willow teased, causing a giggle from both of them. Tara spun in the red haired girl's arms and placed a gentle kiss to her lover's lips. "So we were all planning on going out to eat tonight," Willow started as she reached over to pick up a carton of eggs to put in the fridge.

"Oh, c-cool, where t-to?" Willow could instantly sense the nervousness in Tara's voice, which only made her more worried. "Probably just that diner a few minutes away, nothing fancy. Is that good with you?" the red headed witch asked. "Yeah, s-sounds like a p-pl-plan," Tara smiled a bit weakly, and although Willow returned the gesture, she could tell something was definitely wrong with her girl, and she would be dammed if she didn't find a way to help.

* * *

 Willow held tightly to Tara's hand as they walked into the diner together, followed by Dawn and Buffy, then by Xander and Anya. They all say around a table and quickly got lost within conversations. Willow looked over and could see that Tara's eyes were struggling to stay open. "Hey, you doing alright?" she asked, brushing a strand of blonde out of the girl's face. Giving a smile and a nod, Tara kissed her cheek softly. After a few minutes a waitress came over. "Hi, my name is Emily and I'll be your server tonight. What can I get everyone to drink?" she asked cheerfully.

"Um, I'll have a Pepsi," Xander answered. "Margarita," Anya followed after him. She went around the table, asking Buffy, Dawn, and Willow. "Sweet tea please," the red headed witch answered. "Um, I'll just ta-take a water," Tara responded shyly. Willow flashed Buffy a worried look. "Alright I'll be out with those in a minute. Is everyone ready to order or do we still need a minute?" Emily looked at the table, and when no one protested she started with food orders as well. Again, Tara's answer was surprising to Willow. "Caesar salad is fine," the blonde ordered. "Alright, I'll be back soon with your drinks and your food shouldn't be much longer than that," Emily confirmed with a smile, then turned and walked back to the kitchen.

"You really just want salad?" Willow asked, running her thumb over Tara's hand. "Yeah, it's fine," the blonde Wiccan smiled and kissed Willow's cheek. Again the red headed girl flashed a more worried look to Buffy. "Uh, Dawn? Can you go get my purse from the car? I forgot it," the slayer asked her sister. "Ugh, fine," the teenager groaned. "Tara can you go with her? Make sure she's safe and all?" Willow asked. "Will I'm 15, I don't need a babysitter," Dawn started to complain but when she saw the look in the older woman's eyes she understood they needed to talk. "But, I guess I could use some help looking, Buffy doesn't exactly have good organization skills," she laughed nervously. Tara smiled and stood, following the younger girl out of the restaurant. When she was sure they were out of earshot, Willow turned to the group.

"Ok something is definitely wrong. She hates salad. She hates vegetables period," she sighed. "Will, she may just be trying to eat better. And besides, she ordered something right? She must have plans to eat it at least," Xander pointed out. "I don't know. I still don't like this feeling I have," the red haired girl mumbled.

* * *

"I swear Buffy needs to get her brain checked in the memory department," Dawn sighed as she rummaged through the car. "Need any help?" Tara asked. "Yeah, can you go inside and tell Buffy that I can't find her pu-" before Dawn had a chance to finish, she turned just in time to see the older woman's eyes roll back into her head and watch her body collapse. Gasping, the teenager jumped out of the car and caught Tara's head before it slammed against the concrete. "Tara? Tara!" she screamed, shaking the blonde Wiccan frantically, though it didn't seem to be of much help.

* * *

 "Willow!" The voice caused the group sitting at the table to look up and see Dawn running inside the restaurant with tears in her eyes. "Dawn? Where's Tara? What happened? What's wrong?" she asked as the teenager approached them. "Tara... She... She collapsed outside..." Dawn struggled to catch her breath. "What? How?" Willow stood quickly. "I don't know she was just standing there a-and she just passed out, oh god Willow I don't-" before she could finish the red haired witch stood and ran outside, followed by the rest of the group, to where sure enough, Tara was lying on the ground unconscious.

"Tara!" she screamed, running to the blonde's side and throwing herself on her knees. She shook the girl's body, trying to get her to open her eyes. "Buffy, call an ambulance! Now!" she cried, tears streaming down her face. "Come on baby, don't do this, it's gonna be ok," she whispered, grasping Tara's hand desperately. Though the words were meant for Tara, Willow was more trying to convince herself than she was the girl lying unconscious in her arms.

* * *

 Hours later, when Tara was finally allowed visitors, Willow was the first to go in the room, followed by her friends. Tara looked so sick, so still. She was still asleep, but her face was pale and the bones were poking through. A long tube was down her throat and an IV was in her hand. "What... What happened to her?" Willow asked finally, sitting down beside her love and taking the unresponsive hand in her own. "Well, it appears Tara has a very serious case of anorexia nervosa. She's suffering from drastic hypokalaemia and amenorrhea," the doctor responded, writing something down on the clipboard she held in her hands.

"So... She has an... An eating disorder?" Willow struggled to get the words out. "I'm afraid so. She should be ok, but it doesn't appear like she's had anything to eat for days now. I'm surprised she's lasted this long. But since she has, she should be fine. We're going to prescribe her some pills to help her get back some of her nutrients, and we've already pumped her stomach, so when she wakes up she might feel some discomfort," the doctor explained. As Willow nodded, the doctor leaned over Tara and gently pulled the tube out from their throat.

It almost made the red haired girl sick from how long it was, just imagining the process it had taken to insert it into the blonde's stomach. "She should be awake soon," the doctor promised, and with a smile she left the room. As she did so, Willow felt a few tears falling down her face as she clutched at Tara's hand. "Hey Will, I'm gonna take Dawn home," Buffy broke the silence after awhile. "No! I wanna stay and see Tara," the teenager protested. "Dawn, it's late and you have school tomorrow, you need to get to bed," the older girl's tone was firm and Dawn groaned, knowing she wouldn't change her mind. Buffy walked up to Willow and pulled her into a hug. "You'll call and let us know?" the blonde asked. "Of course," Willow promised.

After awhile Xander and Anya had to leave as well, and it was just the two girls left in the room. It wasn't long after that Tara woke up, her world spinning. "Wi- Willow?" she stumbled over her words. When the red haired girl heard her voice she snapped her head up and threw her arms around Tara in a tight embrace. "Oh god baby, you're ok," she whispered, pulling her close. Tears welled up in both girl's eyes and Willow leaned down, pressing a kiss to the blonde Wiccan's forehead.

"Baby... Why would you... What happened?" Willow was not angry, she just wanted to understand what had driven her girl to such drastic measures. "I... I just... Well, it started about two weeks ago. D-do you remember when we... When w-we went to that b-bar the other day?" Tara stuttered. Only when Willow nodded did the blonde continue.

 

_Flashback_

_Willow held closely to Tara's hips as the two danced together. Not long ago, neither would have been so daring as to dance like this in public, with Willow's arms secured around Tara's waist from behind and their thought's lost in each other, both laughing and moving to the upbeat song, their body's pressed tightly against each other. Of course, Tara's birthday had been different- they knew almost everyone who was in attendance that night. But on a random night out on the town with their friends, not long ago they would've stuck with sitting at their table holding hands underneath and an occasional kiss on the cheek. But after the two almost broke up, after Willow almost lost her because she was using too much magic, she realized that she was so proud to say that she had Tara in her life, and she had become much more open about their relationship, no matter where they were._

_Not that Tara minded. It had taken some getting used to, the stares of disapproval, the idiots who thought they just wanted to hook up with men, the guys who wanted a threesome or asked to watch them, and of course the ones who didn't quite understand the concept that two people of the same gender could be in love. Often would they be asked the question if they were sisters, despite the fact that they had no similarities in physical features. But now, after both had learned not to care what others thought, they stood in the middle of the room dancing with no care in the world other than the fact that they were this close to each other. Willow smiled at her girlfriend, placing a gentle kiss on the blonde's lips. Tara gave a grin back, her face flushing with a light red color. As the song they were dancing to ended, the two linked hands and walked back to the table where Buffy, Xander, and Anya were sitting._

_"They certainly make it hard to stop dancing with the music they play," Willow laughed, a little out of breath. Her face almost matched her hair color and Tara giggled, nodding in agreement. "Well you guys certainly seem like you were having fun," Buffy laughed, throwing a playful smirk at the two girls. In response, Willow only laughed along, while Tara smiled shyly and a large blush grew on her face. After a few minutes of mindless chatter she stood. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, be right back," she explained to Willow, kissing her cheek and making her way back into the restrooms near the back of the bar._

_As she stood in front of the mirror, she washed her face off a little to cool down. She brushed her hair out of her face a little and stood fixing her appearance, not noticing the woman standing beside her. "Nice outfit," the tone was sarcastic, but Tara, trying not to notice, ignored the way she had spoken. "Um, thanks," she responded. The woman laughed. "Sweetie you may be a blonde but I'm pretty sure that even you know what sarcasm is, right?" the woman's tone was cold and Tara tried to ignore her all together. Maybe she was just some drunk idiot. "Your outfit is flattering, don't get me wrong. But we all know you're wearing that skirt so people can't see your legs. Am I right?" the words cut Tara in the chest. In fact, the woman WAS right. That was the reason she wore skirts a lot. Not wanting to show this, however, the blonde Wiccan shook it off and continued to fix her hair._

_"Well, you're certainly not ugly. But good luck finding a man with your particular... Shape," the woman chuckled. Just then, Willow's head appeared in the door. "Tara? Baby? You almost done?" the red head asked. Forcing a smile, Tara nodded. "Yeah, I'll be out in a second," she responded. Willow smiled at her and her head disappeared. The woman laughed louder this time. "Oh honey that's priceless. You're a dyke! How cute is that! Well, you do know that lesbians are usually only pretty girls right? I mean, I can see your girlfriend as one, but you? I'm surprised she even is with you. She's probably using you to get some action from a man," the woman's words finally were enough. "She loves me," Tara's voice was cold and hard, and she clenched her fists. "Awe you do talk! And sure she does. In a friend way, of course. But sweetie let's face the facts! A girl who looks like that and a girl who looks like you? Come on now," with that, the woman walked out of the bathroom, leaving Tara alone once again._

_End flashback_

As Tara finished her story, she didn't raise her head. She had tears falling from her eyes and she couldn't look at Willow. She expected her to be mad, ask her if any of the times she had told Tara she was beautiful didn't matter, but after a moment the blonde felt a hand under her chin lifting her face and forcing her blue eyes to meet soft green ones that were also full of tears. "Tara..." Willow's quiet voice trailed off as she stared into the eyes of her lover. "Willow... I'm so sorry," Tara whispered, her voice quivering. Without another word, the red haired girl leaned forward and kissed her.

The kiss was not passion, and it was not fire, and it was not lust. Instead, Willow focused on pouring every ounce of love she could into the action. She needed Tara to know that she loved her. Tara kissed back with as much love, and their tears mixed on their faces. When the kiss was finally broken, Willow climbed into bed next to the blonde and they lay beside each other, their arms encircled around each other with Tara's nose buried in her lover's neck. "Tara, you know I'm not with you for how you look," Willow's voice finally broke the silence that had overcome the room. Tara sat up and looked at her.

"I know... It's just h-ha-hard... Being... D-different," she whispered. "Baby, you're not different," Willow reached her hand up to cup the side of the blonde Wiccan's face. "Yes I am! I'm not... I don't... I don't l-look like you. I don't look like y-y-you... And B-Buffy... And Dawn... And Anya... I'm... I'm just..." Tara couldn't get the words to come out of her mouth. "Tara. Look into my eyes," Willow's voice was firm but soft. Only when the blonde looked up did she continue. "When I look at you, I don't see what that woman saw. I see someone who is kind. And someone who is funny. Someone who can brighten up anyone's day. Someone who makes the entire room smile just by being in it. And I see a light inside you that shines so beautifully. You are my light Tara. You are so, so, so beautiful. And screw what some stupid woman thinks. I'm not with you for how you look. Though in my eyes you look pretty fantastic," a small smile grew on Willow's lips and she watched as it spread to Tara's. "There's that smile I love," Willow grinned, kissing her lips gently.

"I love you Willow," Tara had spoken the words so many times before that they had almost become second hand, but now, a new tone rang through her voice. A tone of assurance and love and confidence. Smiling, Willow laced their hands together. "I love you too, my beautiful girl," the women kissed once more and Tara snuggled up to her lover, closing her eyes and allowing her breathing to slow down. "Beautiful," she heard Willow's voice ringing in her ears as she slipped into her dreams and she smiled. "So beautiful."


End file.
